The past few days I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I want to be the laid-back, chill, bohemian hippie, but in reality I deal with fears and anxiety that are sometimes hard to keep under control. Over the years I’ve realized that when confronted with things that scare me, I have a bizarre drive to approach what it is that is bothering me head on in order to overcome it. A simple example of this is my fear of heights– naturally this fear drove me to start climbing. I had no idea when I started climbing that it would have such a big impact on how I approached life. Being able to face such an intense fear in places where I have no other choice but to stay calm and gain control, has taught me a lot about how to deal with difficult life situations.
A few days ago I had a pretty big break through in my climbing. I led my first traditional, or trad, climbing route. For those of you unfamiliar with climbing, this is where I place my own protection as I climb. The climbing I have done in the past had established protection bolted into the wall that I secured myself to. I don’t know what came over me to want to lead this climb, but it was amazing. Climbing rocks is so much fun! I realized that I knew a lot more about the gear than I thought I did. Sometimes a victory for me is getting to the top of a climb without letting out any curse words or tears, and in addition to loving the climb, this route was void of both.
Living in the bus has brought up a lot of unknowns, and as a person who struggles with change, I’m learning how to accept and work through these problems. My biggest goal this year is to figure out a way to embrace happiness. I’m realizing that in a strange way, I enjoy pain. Maybe it’s an easier emotion to experience than happiness. We all have so much opportunity to be happy, to love others, to live each day excited about the moment we are in. There’s no need to wallow in the past or stress about the future. Living in the bus is such a great way to focus on these things and to let go of the external stresses the world can bring.
This post has been more of a personal pep talk than anything else, so I apologize to any of you still reading through my ramblings. Life is a funny thing that I probably will never figure out, but I don’t know that I need to. Whatever happens, I’m going to figure out a way to be happy through it all and to love the crap out of life. Namaste, friends.